This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series.  This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being.  The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.

You know the two secrets to letting go of unhealthy things in your life: Fred and attachment. Those two pieces create the framework for us to discuss precisely what it is we’re releasing. A really good place to begin letting go is thought and behavior patterns that are no longer serving or benefitting you.

What are thought and behavior patterns?

Have you ever noticed that similar situations have cropped up during your life and that they usually end the same way? These are usually situations that cause drama, negativity or icky feelings.

Let me give you an example. Say you’re in a relationship. Rather than communicating with your partner and/or ending said relationship when you begin to feel dissatisfied with it, you stick it out, thinking maybe it’s not the relationship but just something temporary going on inside you. Then you meet someone with whom you spark and really like. You “accidentally” cheat on your partner, realize you need to end the first relationship, do so, and immediately enter a new relationship with the new person. For whatever reason, perhaps a lack of self-awareness on your part, this all happened more or less before you knew what was going on. It was unfortunate and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but it happened…you can’t change it, so you move on. And then it happens again. And again. and again. Several years later, you’re half a dozen relationships into this seemingly endless cycle.

Thought and behavior patterns begin with one innocent incident and evolve into repetitive situations. Patterns that are no longer serving us generally create drama in our lives and cause us to feel unhappy. We often don’t see the pattern until it’s cycled through quite a few times, and sometimes not even then. These seemingly endless cycles create a merry-go-round effect, causing us to feel like we’re spinning out of control with no hope of changing course.

So, how do we get out of these cycles, when they seem as though they will never end?

There are three steps to getting off the merry-go-round:

1. See that you’re on it. Awareness is key here. If you don’t know you’re caught inside a thought or behavior pattern, how will you know to get yourself out? Cultivating awareness has been key in everything we’ve discussed so far. Practicing cultivating awareness in one area will bring it organically to all other areas. If you’re still having trouble with your self-awareness, though, you might try asking for help from someone you trust who has already established a good level of self-awareness. The question can be as simple as, “Do you see any thought or behavior patterns happening in my life that I might not be seeing?”

2. Stop it. Stop the merry-go-round. Once you see the pattern, you can stop it in an instant by simply deciding to end your participation. Be vigilant in this. Whenever you see a thought or action popping up that you know is part of your patter, stop it. Mid-word if you have to!

3. Get off. Walk (or run!) off the merry-go-round and go somewhere else. It almost doesn’t matter where. I do encourage you to go a direction that is healthy and supportive of your beingness, but the point is that once you’ve stopped your cycle, doing anything other than your usual auto-pilot actions is a big stride toward breaking the cycle forever.

As with everything else we’ve talked about in this series, the steps are easy but the manifestation can feel challenging. Remember that it’s a practice! Do these steps over and over, as often as you can, and your ability to do them will improve and grow to a place of ease!

Next post: More letting go. Oh yeah!