This is the third post in a series entitled “Basics of Happiness.” This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being. The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.

So, by now you’ve discovered your baseline state, and decided where you want to go from here.  I’ll presume that since you’re reading this, you’ve decided you want to shift your baseline state to happiness and cultivate happiness as a state of being.  Sweet!  Let’s do it!

The next step in really choosing to be happy is to fully and deeply understand that it’s about you. Beginning with the choice to make this shift into happiness and extending forevermore, it is vital to understand that happiness is and must always be about you.  I think, by and large, we are taught that making things about ourselves is “selfish.”  We have somehow taken this word from its original meaning – acting with concern for only one’s self – and given it the connotation that doing anything with concern for one’s self is bad.  The reality is that nothing could be further from the truth.  We can – and must – do things with concern for ourselves.  Especially those things that really only concern ourselves – like choosing to be happy.  And we can do things with concern for ourselves while still doing things with concern for others. Make sense?  This distinction is important.

Think about it:  Let’s say you’ve read the last two posts and they really don’t resonate with you or you just feel like you’re not ready to make this shift.  BUT – you feel like you “should” because everyone you know is doing it or someone said you “should” or you’ll feel like a failure if you don’t.  That isn’t about you.  And if you try to make the shift into happiness as a state of being, you will find you really struggle with it, because that is not an authentic, self-motivated decision.  You are attempting to do something that isn’t right for you at this moment.

Conversely, let’s say you’ve read the last two posts and they really resonate with you and you’re really excited to make this shift.  BUT – your partner (or parent or friend) just doesn’t get it.  Maybe she or he feels this is just New Age nonsense.  Maybe she or he feels you “should” already be happy, or at least just be content with what you have.  So you decide not to do it.  Well, that isn’t an authentic, self-motivated decision, either.  And suddenly you have been derailed from your authentic path into a little detour that your partner (or parent or friend) has created for you.

You see, the only way to manifest authentic happiness as a state of being is authentically.  And the only way to know what is authentic for you is to accept that it’s about you.  When you choose to be happy, you must do so from an authentic, self-motivated place.  And as you progress with your journey, you must continue to do so from an authentic, self-motivated place.  That’s the only way it will work.

This might not be news to you.  You may already have a really healthy understanding that it’s all about you.  Or, you may find this shocking!  Here I am, telling you that in order to be happy, you have to be selfish?!?  It may go against everything you’ve been taught and/or everything you believe about the world.  But it’s true.

And don’t forget – once you’ve been “selfish” enough to claim your authentic happiness, you will be able to do amazing, incredible, wonderfully “unselfish” things for others, in a way and to a degree you’ve never known before.

You can do it!!!

Next post:  More to help you really choose.