This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series. This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being. The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.
Now that the introductions have been made, how is the getting acquainted going? Have you begun to see where Fred pops up in your life? This piece — learning to see Fred, your script, or whatever you choose to call it — is absolutely vital to your expanding self-awareness and happiness. If you take only one thing away from this whole series, let it be Fred. He’s that important.
Once you begin to see how Fred interacts with and limits your life, it’s time to learn how to manage him. Luckily, the easiest way to begin to manage him is simply to become aware of him. And there’s a really lovely trick to this. As often as you can, most especially when you notice icky feelings, ask yourself:
WOULD I CHOOSE TO FEEL THIS WAY?
If you answer along the lines of, “Well, no, but the situation is making me feel this way and I can’t help that,” that is still Fred. Ask and answer independently of any person, action or situation. It’s just your authentic self and your feelings alone in a room. When everything else is taken away, would you actually choose to feel this way?
If your answer is yes, well, then, that’s an authentic feeling. But if your answer is no (and it may be quite a lot of the time, at least for a while), then you know it’s Fred at work!
Great! Then what?
Once you know it’s Fred and not you in control of your life at that moment, action is simple. Decide what you would choose to feel and feel it. Decide what you would choose to do and do it. This is how you claim your authenticity and regain control of your life. It’s honestly that simple and probably 90% of the work is practicing being able to identify when Fred is in control.
A few further points:
- Occasionally, there will be times when Fred will take over and you’ll see him doing it, but, try as you might, you won’t be able to regain control. You’ll struggle and struggle but feel as though you’re getting nowhere. At those times, the answer, counterintuitive as it may be, is to stop struggling. Let him do his thing and it will pass. Sometimes that’s just the only way, and that’s perfectly okay. At those times, call him out. Say, aloud or to someone if possible, “Fred has control!” or “I’m in my script!” When you acknowledge him in that way, you are taking back some control and choosing to allow him to continue with whatever he’s on about.
- Sometimes you will feel icky for allowing Fred to take over. You might feel regret, shame, anger, failure, sadness, etc. Since we know icky feelings are Fred, this is basically Fred beating you up for allowing him to exist. Do you see the problem with that? Whenever you notice this happening, tell Fred to take a hike!
- Fred really likes his job. When you minimize his influence and choose to act authentically, he feels as though his job is threatened. He will act out. To put that another way, when you beat your script in a really big way, it will rear its ugly head and strike back with multiplied force. It might be right away or it might be in a couple days. It will happen. Know this and be prepared, that way, when it happens, you’ll know what’s going on.
Next Post: More examples to help you get to know Fred (yes, it’s that important!).
Tags: Authenticity, Choice, Fred, Happiness, Script, Self, Truth
