This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series. This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being. The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.
There are two secret keys to effective letting go. The first one is Fred, whom we’ve been talking about for a little while now. The other one is attachment. Once you’ve learned to manage Fred and let go of attachment, you will be easily able to let go of anything when that’s the healthy choice for your life.
So, what is attachment anyway?
When we talk about attachment, what we mean is having a self-imposed emotional stake in something. We may or may not be aware of it. We often see attachment manifest as attachment to outcome. This basically means that you care how a situation turns out. The other most frequent example of attachment is that to another person’s beingness. Which means you feel emotionally tied to what a person is like, how they act, etc.
But isn’t caring about things good? Won’t I have to stop loving or feeling emotions to do this? Isn’t this what life is about?
Yes, no and no, in that order. Caring is good when it’s done in terms of love and compassion. Caring is harmful when it’s done in terms of attachment and control. Though it seems counterintuitive, cultivating non-attachment actually allows us to love more deeply and feel more intensely. Cultivating non-attachment is about loving and respecting yourself and others, allowing everyone complete freedom, releasing stress-causing control and learning to flow. This is what life is about.
I find that Buddhist principles explain this really well. Buddhist thought follows that in order to have attachment to something, you must see two separate things: yourself and the other. You are one thing, and you are feeling attachment to the other. By releasing attachment and cultivating non-attachment, we destroy illusions of separation and support divine oneness. Buddhists believe that non-attachment is basically the secret to true happiness. Obviously, I agree. 
Well, then, how do I do it?
As with most things in life, cultivating non-attachment is a practice. I imagine by the end of this series, you’ll be tired of hearing me say “it’s a practice,” but it’s true! It very much is. And it’s a practice rather like that of managing Fred. In order to cultivate non-attachment, you must first identify the attachment. Then, instead of acting out of habit, you choose to act consciously and authentically. Breathe. Let go. Flow.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you have tickets to the theatre tonight. You get all dressed up and are en route to the show. On the way, there is an unexpected construction delay and detour. Because of this, you arrive quite late to the show.
From an attached state of being, you might be very upset about this turn of events. You might feel angry, sad, disappointed or unfairly treated. You might carry these feeling around so long they keep you from enjoying the rest of your evening and maybe even the rest of your week!
From a non-attached state of being, you might feel amused at this surprising turn of events. You might wonder what’s in store and what adventures lie ahead. You might appreciate the reminder about the benefits of moving slowly that the construction offered. You might even find later that the show opened to terrible reviews and you were saved the trouble of having to see it! You might find something even more fun to do with your evening. Either way, you will breathe and flow and enjoy everything, all the time trusting that the Universe knows what it’s doing and that no matter what, every time, everything turns out perfectly.
As with Fred, 90% of the work involved here is awareness. The more you are able to see where you have attachment, the easier it becomes to shift it. Practice, practice, practice. It’ll change your life!
Next post: More letting go!
Tags: Attachment, Authenticity, Bliss, Choice, Expectations, Happiness, Joy, Let Go, Open, Self, Truth
Hi! I’m so happy to have come across this website! Thank you for such a well written blog about this important subject.
I was hoping that you and your readers might be interested in my dissertation study, as it seems to tie in perfectly with what you describe above. I have copied in my official research invitation letter below. Although I do live in the UK, I would be happy to consider an email or a skype discussion if this is something you are interested in.
Thank you very much!
Invitation to take part in a study
I am a student at the University of East London, studying on the MSc in Positive Psychology. I would like to invite you to participate in a dissertation study titled: “An exploration of the concept of non-attachment and it’s manifestation within relationships: a grounded theory study”.
Your participation would consist of an hour long interview, the aim of which will be to explore your experiences, opinions and beliefs about the concept of non-attachment, and how it manifests in your day-to-day life with a particular emphasis on intimate relationships.
If you wish to take part in this study, it is important that you can identify with the following description of non-attachment:
“Non-attachment is the end result of the process of letting go. When you are in a state of non-attachment you posses a sense of knowing that everything simply is. Although you continue to strive towards your preferred life situation, you remain unattached to the outcome. In any situation you may find yourself, you feel no unnecessary stress or frustration, and you face life with no fear of losing what you have. The state of non-attachment leads you to experiencing frequent feelings of love, freedom, tranquillity and compassion.
You see what is, not what you want. Accept what is, rather than struggle to control.”
The interviews will take place at a mutually convenient public location, where there will be ‘quiet room’ facilities available for the interviews.
For further information and to register your interest, please contact sasha_gelpi@yahoo.co.uk