This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series.  This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being.  The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.

Though fear, worry and stress usually affect us most in daily life, and therefore require special attention, emotions in general are largely misunderstood and tend to affect us in more lasting ways than necessary.

Emotions, when allowed to live freely, are transient. That is the anatomy of their existence. That is their true flow.

The life of an emotion looks rather like a bell curve. It begins as nothing. Once it comes into your life, it gradually increases until it reaches its peak — the height of your emotional experience and expression — and then it decreases smoothly until it completely leaves your body. This whole process, when allowed to flow naturally, usually takes several minutes. Sometimes it can take more or less time, but generally, that’s it.

For some reason (Fred!), we are taught differently. I don’t know that anyone is ever directly, outwardly taught. But we all pick it up, just the same. For most of us, when an emotion presents itself, we lock it down. It might begin as simply as concerned and loving mothers saying, “Don’t cry…it’s alright.” So we stifle our tears. And in that one act, we cage the emotion, taking away its ability to live freely and progress along its natural path. Then, days, months or years later the emotion pops up again, trying to escape — and we lock it down again. In this way, we force emotions to live in our bodies for years — sometimes lifetimes — against the natural order of things.

It’s amazing — you can actually physically see people do this. You can even notice it in yourself. When we feel anger, for example, we might clench our jaws or our fists. When we feel sad, we might close our throats, squeeze our eyes shut as tightly as possible or hold our breath to keep from crying. In our most extreme moments, we may even injure ourselves. All these things are offensive moves in a giant battle to keep our emotions from escaping.

Our emotions poison us.

No, really, they do. When we keep our emotions trapped inside our bodies and refuse to allow them to live freely, they tend to make us sick. Think about it. Scientific and medical acknowledgement of stress-related diseases and disorders — mental and physical — is steadily and rapidly growing. How many people do you know with stress-related diseases or disorders? Some studies show that as much as 50% of the population is affected by symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, just to name one. It’s all about the emotions.

What about love? And happiness?

How can emotions be transient, you may be wondering, if feelings like love and happiness are supposed to be long-lasting? Simple — those are not emotions. Love is not an emotion. Love can begin from transient emotions (think about how the “new and exciting” feelings disappear after a while) and is always entwined with transient emotions. But the love itself is constant and unconditional — and is therefore not an emotion. Happiness can be a transient emotion. We educate about and support happiness as a state of being — and admittedly that brand of happiness is different from the transient one. It is rather like love, constant and unconditional and entwined with transient “boosts” of emotion.

So what do we do?

Let go! Breathe! Flow! Allow your emotions their free lives. Allow them to follow their curve. Be in self-awareness and notice when you stifle emotions. Notice when you encourage others to stifle theirs. You must express your emotions. That means crying, laughing, expressing anger and frustration (please do this by and for yourself, and not in anyone’s direction), yelling, screaming, jumping, dancing and whatever else it is you feel you need to do. Think about how little children express their emotions before they get the bit of Fred that stifles them — that is our aim. Total, free, complete expression. That will allow the emotion to run its course and leave your body!

And remember…it’s a practice!

Next post: More letting go (and we’re getting really close to step 3!).