This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series. This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being. The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.
Last week, I introduced you to Fred. As you’ll remember, Fred, who goes by many names, is the voice inside you that limits your thoughts and actions based on past experiences — usually other people’s expectations. If you haven’t yet read the first two articles about Fred, please do. Getting to know him and learning to manage him are the two enormous steps on the path to happiness as a state of being. Once you understand and manifest them, they will change your life.
Today, as promised, I give you more examples of Fred. The more you understand who or what Fred is, the easier it becomes to identify and manage him!
The examples that follow are very much little things. As you begin to be able to identify the little things Fred does, you will also begin to see the big things, like jealousy, drama, hatred, etc.
1. Eating
THE ACTION: You eat meals by gradually consuming a little bit of everything.
THE CAUSE: Someone told you long ago that eating that way is “proper.”
THE AUTHENTIC DESIRE: You prefer to eat all of one thing, then progress to another.
WHY THIS IS FRED: One iteration of someone else’s beliefs and expectations of you many years ago is still controlling your actions today, in a way that is contrary to your authentic desires.
HOW TO BEAT IT: Eat the way you want. Recognize this is Fred, then act in a way that is authentic, despite any protests from Fred.
2. FIFO (First in, first out)
THE ACTION: You buy a new package of something, but feel a need to finish the old package first. No one else does, and you feel like you always get the short end of the stick!
THE CAUSE: You have grown up with the understanding that you always finish all of the old thing first.
THE AUTHENTIC DESIRE: You want to eat the new bread, too, darn it!
WHY THIS IS FRED: You can’t even remember where this started. It is likely that you learned this from your parents from a very young age. You may have been told directly, but it’s more likely you just learned from their actions. This phantom is still controlling your actions today, in a way that is contrary to your authentic desires.
HOW TO BEAT IT: Eat the new food! Feed the old to the birds, if appropriate. You are in full control of your life and your choices. Recognize this is Fred, then act in a way that is authentic, despite any protests from Fred.
3. Pillows face in!
THE ACTION: Whenever you make the bed, you make sure all the pillowcase openings point toward the center of the bed.
THE CAUSE: As a child, a parent once told you that was the right way to do it.
THE AUTHENTIC DESIRE: To allow the pillows to point any which way without feeling uncomfortable.
WHY THIS IS FRED: The fact that pillow misdirection causes you discomfort is a good first clue. Again, this is someone else’s beliefs reaching out from the past and controlling your current actions and emotional comfort.
HOW TO BEAT IT: Allow the pillows to be as they are. Breathe through any discomfort that occurs and remind yourself that it’s just Fred. Recognize this is Fred, then act in a way that is authentic, despite any protests from Fred.
Remember, if you’re unsure whether it’s Fred, always ask yourself:
WOULD I CHOOSE TO FEEL THIS WAY?
I’d love to see your Fred examples in the comments, if you have any you feel comfortable sharing! (Pssst…that discomfort is Fred, too!)
Next post: Moving forward with letting go.
