This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series. This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being. The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.
Last week, we talked about stepping out of thought and behavior patterns that are no longer serving or benefitting us. I believe the most detrimental of these are the fear/worry/stress cycles that we all too often view as “normal” or “just part of life.”
Think about it. How often, during your day, do you feel fear, worry or stress? How many days each week? You can quickly do the math. Many of us spend more than half our lives in a state of fear, stress or worry. Your number may be different. The number only matters to give you perspective — what truly matters is whether you think you spend too much time feeling fear, worry and stress.
Fear, worry and stress deplete our internal resources. They put our systems on high alarm, making everything alert. While this state is built-in to facilitate survival, it is not meant to exist for a prolonged period of time. For example, fear is a valid state. Fear allows us to notice and respond to dangerous situations. But it is only for that. Once the immediate threat has passed, the fear is meant to leave as well.
Extended states of fear, worry and stress are like continuing to run a car at extremely high RPMs. It’s a useful technique for specific purposes in short bursts, but sustained use will destroy the car. When we keep our bodies in a state of heightened awareness and acute fear, worry or stress, we deplete our internal resources, impede our digestion and immune systems, hinder our rest and replenishment, and open ourselves up to illness, disease, and phyical, mental and emotional disorders.
So how do we do this differently? And isn’t fear, worry and stress a normal part of life?
True fear is a normal part of life. As stated above, it serves a very specific purpose. Fear is meant to exist in dangerous situations as a survival technique — it allows your body to induce a fight or flight response. Once the threat has passed, though, fear is meant to, as well. This is the extent to which fear exists as a normal part of life.
Fear about things that are not immediate threats, worry and stress need not be a normal part of life. When you feel true fear, you are present. You are responding to an immediate threat in the moment. When you feel fear about anything else or worry at all, you are not in the moment. Test out this theory. Today, when you feel fear or worry, look at it. Are you fearing or worrying about something that is actually affecting you in the moment?
It is impossible to worry and be present.
Worry exists only with regard to something that may happen in the future. Once something is actually happening, in the moment, you either feel true fear or acceptance. Try it. Can you worry and be present?
Stress can happen while you are being present. However, it cannot happen while you are grounded and centered within yourself. If you are new to the idea of grounding and centering, check out the wikiHow instructions. There are many different ways to ground and center. If that example doesn’t resonate with you, just google it until you find one that does.
The bottom line is this: untrue fear, worry and stress are just Fred (or script). They deplete your inner resources. You can choose to minimize them in your life by practicing being present, grounded and centered.
There is incredible freedom in letting go of these things. They have become so infused into our lives and cultures that often we feel there is no way to exist without them. As with everything in this series, letting go of them is a practice — one that will bring you greater peace and freedom than you’ve ever known!
Next post: More to help you let go and flow!
