This is the next post in our “Basics of Happiness” series.  This series allows me to explain my take on happiness and what I believe to be useful steps on the journey to happiness as a state of being.  The content in this series is also the foundation of my book-in-progress.

We have come so far on our journey of letting go — knowing and managing Fred; cultivating non-attachment; stepping out of detrimental thought and behavior patterns; taking a stand against fear, worry, and stress; allowing our emotions to live freely; and, just yesterday, letting go of relationships that no longer serve us. That is so much! Take a moment and let that sink in. You have begun the practice of truly letting go. That is BIG work! You are totally amazing!

Today we are working with the last piece of letting go — and I think it is also the most empowering. Today we begin living in forgiveness and acceptance.

Like letting go of relationships, this can be a touchy subject for Fred. He may dredge up feelings like, “How can I forgive someone who has so carelessly (or purposely) hurt me?” “How can I let go of things when I’m still waiting for the person who hurt me to take responsibility?” “How can I just accept things? I want to change things!”

No worries, friend. All is well. Take a deep breath, open your heart, and let’s jump in!

Forgiveness is all about you.

It’s true. And that understanding is paramount in the practice of embracing forgiveness. We have all been hurt. When other people hurt us, we tent to hold onto it — especially if we are still in the habit of caging our emotions. If the other person does not make her or himself accountable for the injury, we tend to hold on even more tightly. Sometimes years pass, and we forget that we’re holding on to this old hurt. And what’s worse is that as the years passed, we continued holding on to new hurts. So here we are, compassionate, sensitive souls full to the brim with emotional, physical, spiritual and mental injuries we’ve collected throughout our lives.

This collection of injuries affects us very deeply. Even if we are unaware that we are holding on to them. We’ve already discussed the damaging effects of holding on to emotions, so suffice it to say that holding on to this collection of hurts keeps us from living our lives with complete joy and authenticity. Holding on in this way limits our abilities to have the amazing, full, shiny lives we want.

So what do we do?

Forgive! You don’t even have to tell the other person about it. That’s quite unnecessary. The point is to create forgiveness within yourself — to let go of anything you’re holding on to — solely for your benefit. It can seem hard at first, but remember that you are strong and brilliant and you have all the tools you need to let go and be free of these things. They’re only dragging you down!

Acceptance = Peace

We create an immeasurably large amount of self-inflicted stress and drama by trying to control things. It’s so amazing. And we all do it! Life is so much easier when we accept and let go. We often resist acceptance because we think it means living our lives as complacent, passive beings. That is not so! It’s just about understanding your natural realm of influence and accepting everything that isn’t yours to change.

So, here it is:

Your Natural Realm of Influence

• You (your actions/feelings/beliefs/entire beingness)
• Your present
• Your future

Not Yours to Change

• Other people (their actions/feelings/beliefs/any of their beingness)
• The past

It’s so basic, but we get so caught up in trying to control and change things that aren’t ours to change, and doing so creates self-imposed stress, anxiety, fear and exhaustion. And, oh, the drama!

Let go.

One of my favorite mantras for acceptance is “It is what it is.” There is only simple, clear truth in that statement. Whenever I’m having trouble accepting something, my practice is to breathe into that statement. Eventually, my resistance shifts into acceptance. Try it!

Next post: Step three!!!